if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
