he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
