the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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