i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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