he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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