I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
