Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
