ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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