Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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