can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
