My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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