So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize