worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
