Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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