this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
