Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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