I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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