batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
