Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
