It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
