My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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