i already hear my dad disowning me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
