capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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