Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
