I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just googled if crying burns calories
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Less talking, more tequila
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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