Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
