i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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