I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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