I just threw up on my dentist
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
