i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
