You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
