brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
