I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
