I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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