the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
