The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
