During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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