you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
