John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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