Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
