Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
