My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
