Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Vodka?
Forever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
