first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
