I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
