I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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