I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
