I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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