I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
