Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
