Small penises have feelings too.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
