I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
