I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
