he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
