ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
