we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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