everyone is single if you try hard enough
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
