haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
worst night to have a conscience
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
