You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
