david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
