i was born a porn star she said
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
