My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
