If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
