woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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