Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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