Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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