I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
