Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
