you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
