i jhust puked up my retainher.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
