I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
