She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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