Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
