Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
