he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
