Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
