I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's get the cat blown out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
