I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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