I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
