dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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