Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize