what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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